Aw, guys, why? Whyyyyyy? You Did This to Us. You made us watch “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” What did we do wrong? In this Happy Madison production (there’s the first clue this won’t go well), a schlubby single dad who takes his low-end security job too seriously gets caught up in a holiday season heist and has to find a way to save the day. Brett, David, and Nicole had to watch this alleged comedy and found themselves asking questions like, Does the predictable script make this endearing or unbearable? How does this movie manage to be aggressively bland? And does the universe gain anything from this movie existing?
Next week is New to Two! The pick? Nicole chooses “Jackie Brown.”